Goofy Sports: An In-depth How-to Demonstration

I know that "they" say TV really affects kids, but I have never noticed a negative effect on John. More than anything, it spurs his imagination with his animals and Disney characters. If I had ever expected any effect from his love of Disney, I certainly didn't see this one coming. I will now narrate the following pictures with the same sort of helpful insights as provided in the Goofy "How-to" sports shorts on one of John's favorite DVDs.

When attempting golf for the first time, as with any new sport, one must learn from an expert the proper posture and position required to excel. (For the purposes of this program, the term "expert" may be used loosely. The advice offered in this program may not be applicable to all interested golfers, particularly avid golfers who shoot more than 9 holes a week.)

Once one has become acclimated to the world of golf (note: such acclimation implies more experience than just one or two holes but may be denoted by as little as three holes), one may make subtle changes in the expert's suggested positioning. Note the subject's backward handling of the golf club. It may be assumed that the subject has reached a level of professionalism wherein he successfully breaks the rules and paves the way for a new method by which all future golfers may succeed.

The following technique is called a block. Once the putt-putt limit of 6 strokes is reached, and the ball has still failed to enter the hole, it may be assumed that the ball is flawed. At this point, it is perfectly acceptable for the golfer to "block" in the hole so that the disfunctional ball has no other option but to enter the hole.

Finally, if the above block technique fails to work, and the ball is deemed defective (i.e. beyond flawed and lacking any hope at ever succeeding as a superstitiously "good" ball), the golfer may resort to the pick-and-drop technique in which he picks up the pitiful excuse for a ball and drops it into the hole. Note: Rule no.173 in the Golfer's Handbook states that in such extreme cases, points may be taken off the total to account for the extra strokes required because of the ball's defects. The number of strokes taken off is ALWAYS decided by the golfer's mother.

According to Rule no.173, John came in under par, which is excellent for his first time.