Hangin' out at Fairhaven

Nursing Home, that is. The DeArman family celebrated Grandpa's birthday on Sunday, even though his birthday is actually today...

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

FYI: I was at a baby shower for a good friend of mine, so I missed all of this and cannot be held responsible for John's behavior, nor am I responsible for accurately retelling the story--I am merely "reading" the pictures.

When one reaches a certain age, it appears that one can no longer read one's own birthday cards. Not because one's eyes have failed, but because the youngest "reader" in the family snatches the card away to read it out loud. (Man, I sure hope John didn't say anything embarrassing! If he isn't "reading" A Fish Out of Water word for word, he tends to make up going-to-the-potty stories. Sheesh!)

Once one reaches the age of 50, the eyes don't work like they used to. (Sorry to reveal your ages, Granny and Grandpa!) It is polite for the younger folk to hold the cards just right for the 50-year-olds to be able to read. Perhaps John was struggling with a word and needed Granny's help sounding it out?

Finally, you know the party's over when the party animals start playing with the Birthday Boy's ride. Thank goodness the nursing home doesn't keep bouncers on payroll to throw out the wild visitors!

Goofy Sports: An In-depth How-to Demonstration

I know that "they" say TV really affects kids, but I have never noticed a negative effect on John. More than anything, it spurs his imagination with his animals and Disney characters. If I had ever expected any effect from his love of Disney, I certainly didn't see this one coming. I will now narrate the following pictures with the same sort of helpful insights as provided in the Goofy "How-to" sports shorts on one of John's favorite DVDs.

When attempting golf for the first time, as with any new sport, one must learn from an expert the proper posture and position required to excel. (For the purposes of this program, the term "expert" may be used loosely. The advice offered in this program may not be applicable to all interested golfers, particularly avid golfers who shoot more than 9 holes a week.)

Once one has become acclimated to the world of golf (note: such acclimation implies more experience than just one or two holes but may be denoted by as little as three holes), one may make subtle changes in the expert's suggested positioning. Note the subject's backward handling of the golf club. It may be assumed that the subject has reached a level of professionalism wherein he successfully breaks the rules and paves the way for a new method by which all future golfers may succeed.

The following technique is called a block. Once the putt-putt limit of 6 strokes is reached, and the ball has still failed to enter the hole, it may be assumed that the ball is flawed. At this point, it is perfectly acceptable for the golfer to "block" in the hole so that the disfunctional ball has no other option but to enter the hole.

Finally, if the above block technique fails to work, and the ball is deemed defective (i.e. beyond flawed and lacking any hope at ever succeeding as a superstitiously "good" ball), the golfer may resort to the pick-and-drop technique in which he picks up the pitiful excuse for a ball and drops it into the hole. Note: Rule no.173 in the Golfer's Handbook states that in such extreme cases, points may be taken off the total to account for the extra strokes required because of the ball's defects. The number of strokes taken off is ALWAYS decided by the golfer's mother.

According to Rule no.173, John came in under par, which is excellent for his first time.

Science Lesson

Here's today's science lesson:

Kacky found a turtle while working in the yard today, so John got a live science lesson. Rest assured, I did not touch the slimy, germy little thing. He was really cute, though! Thank heavens for adults who were willing to touch the baby turtle, and for lots and lots of soap. (Did I mention I was thankful for lots of soap? I was, and still am.)

For the record, this was a night for science. On our way to see the turtle, we saw an owl on the power line, and a group of geese crossing the road--very slowly, and causing a traffic jam in the process.

I think I've had enough for one day... we've had to hide the turtle from what he must think is a really terrible child-giant who won't let him move more than 2 steps in any direction. Poor turtle! We'll put him back in the bushes tomorrow.